Super Change Series - SPEED POLICE!

I was at a CVS and saw an imitation Transformers brand, SPEED POLICE!

It's a "New Arrival" in the "Super Change Series." Please note tagline that is less a marketing plan than a direct command, "COLLECT THEM." Do it now, comrade, or else! Knock-off/bootleg/imitation figures crack me up. I couldn't find much online other than from wholesalers that probably specify in cheap crap. (CVS was charging $9.99, by the way.) Someone reviewed it on the youtubes.

I think what I enjoy most is the writing and layout. Both are of course terrible. The names, as discussed earlier regarding Go-Bots and their knock-offs (Lotus Eater?), leave so much to be desired, yet would I change a thing? Let's take a look at the next photo, which I took with my cell phone, so it's a little blurry, but you should be able to make out the names...

I'm guessing that the bottom list is the group of bad guys. The police car is one of the bad guys (??) and thus is not a member of "Speed Police." Don't think too hard about this lost opportunity, you are a busy person and you don't want to start crying over the illogical branding.

The bad guys (?) all have the word "HELL" in their names. This is supposed to be a children's toy, presumably something for the child to hold onto and won't realize isn't Bumblebee or any other recognizable Transformer, and won't care even when it breaks super easily. So they each have "Hell" in the name, followed by that of an insect (or in the case of Hell-Scorpion, an arachnid). Where the people packaging this for a quick buck really in that much of a hurry? Did anyone involved thing, "hey, kids probably can't hear the word Hell on their cartoon shows" (note: not sure where to look it up, but according to tvtropes.org "hell" is allowed in G rated films) or at least think "hey, we can't have one of our figures with the name 'Hell-something!'"

His coworker, if he has a coworker, at the computer putting together graphic with a deadline in two minutes: "You're right, we'll have FOUR of our figures with the word 'hell' in their names."

Do you have an imitation transforming action figure from the 80's you're fond of?